The older mother-daughter relationship: The influence of caregiving beliefs on communicative behaviors prior to dependency.

Abstract

The goal of this study was to develop a richer understanding of the interaction between healthy mothers and their adult daughters prior to the mother's dependency. Thirty-six mother-daughter dyads discussed how they would handle the mother's day-to-day needs if she were diagnosed with an increasingly debilitating disease. Each individual also reported her attitudes toward autonomy and paternalism in caregiving situations and her conflict strategy preferences when in a disagreement with her interview partner.

While discussing potential caregiving, the participants talked about: (a) prior family caregiving experiences; (b) the role different family members would play as well as the role of formal services; (c) the possibility of someone moving to be closer or to share a residence; and (d) the possibility of the mother entering a nursing home. Mothers expressed a desire not to be a burden to their children, which played a role in their preference for moving to a nursing home over coresiding with a child. Although most mothers and daughters reported they had not talked about these types of decisions, the vast majority also indicated that they felt no need to have further discussions; primarily because of the implicit nature of their relationship--the daughter would know what the mother wanted through previous experience and/or her deep knowledge of her mother.

Control of the conversation was predicted by mothers' and daughters' paternalism scores. Mothers with a strong belief in paternalism had daughters who talked more; while daughters with a strong belief in paternalism talked less. Mothers' involvement was predicted by her nonconfrontation scores, with mothers reporting a higher usage of nonconformative strategies being less involved. Daughters' involvement was predicted by the interaction between the mothers' control score and the daughters' solution-orientation score. Daughters were more involved when they utilized solution-oriented strategies and their mothers' were less controlling. Both participants reported that the level of conflict in their relationship had decreased over the years because they had learned: (a) not to argue over small matters; (b) to appreciate each other over time; and, (c) to agree to disagree in order to avoid major rifts in their relationship.